ming.

Ming lies.

He doesn't even drink sake.

nothing, gracious, vacant nothing

Is there a way to make the brain stop over thinking when it refuses to?
Can we make the mind flow yellow when it wants to default to blue?
For some it all stays on the level, while for others it delves too deep.
If only I could make it calm, then maybe I could get some sleep.
To have a blissful night of nothing would be a dream come true
But dreams of nothing, gracious, vacant nothing
Would make me nothing but a timid little shrew
Who knew so little of the world around her spinning madly fire like
Eyes so wide and full of wonder waiting for that painful spike
Right through that madly working brain that does not seem to ever stop
And then here comes reality forcing in like the butcher's enthusiastic chop
And nothing, gracious, vacant nothing is merely but a fantasy
But what a world would that be when one could dream of ecstasy
Then torment oneself with "what ifs?" "how comes" and "what was.."
And all the stupid other things that this mind seems to be filled abuzz
Please let the placid air surround me like it does so well for them
They seem to be happy there, living their ignorant little shams.
If only I could donate some, like long-haired vixens do
When cancer victims need their dignity, they will gladly take some in lieu
Donate thoughts aplenty just in time for the freakish holidays
They can take all my thoughts and make sense of them,
Turn them in to happy days.

Song of Drifters

Song of Drifters
by Carl Abramowitz

sandwiched between laughter and solitude,
the insouciant follower of gregariousness,
slowly, slowly, slowly breaks open
lockjaw to speak like jettisoned debris from an agatha
christie runaway train...

quietly, we become the people we pretend to be,
pretending like it was some sort of fantasy game
and wielding delightful faucet-shaped smiles
we dance the dance of the sunset
the fusillade of our tears silenced by the deafness
of our hearts beating in syncopation

we promise no longer to be monochromatic, to be
clowns of one color because they, the institution,
placate adroitly the strenuousness of our dreams
flattening our tiny worlds we kept so secret
from our parents, and their parents,
to ancestors who no longer spell
their surname the same way we do

new website, meditations

In a melancholy haze I removed my old website and decided I would never paint again. I know, I know, "artist" you think. Sad, melancholy, emo artist.

Someone had said something to me to absolutely crush my soul and spirit and I couldn't dream of embarrassing myself again the way I have been doing the entirety of my life. But, as my work in progress, after meditating and finding myself again, I am recreating website.

www.meggibbs.com

This seems to give away my pseudonym on this blog, so hopefully my 2 followers won't tell anyone it's me. Enjoy my mediocrity. They're going to have to deal with me anyways... and seriously, there are way worse artists out there than me.

When I run I meditate. Something about the "left, right, left, right" matra that goes into my head when the mp3 player dies that is akin to "om" that seems to clear my head and bring me to my destined path in life. "left, right, left, right" feet pound on pavement, treadmill, whatever. Thoughts enter my head so I run faster, harder, until the only thoughts are those relating to my immediate body. Pain. Soreness. Wimp. You can go faster than this. You are powerful... then the run is enjoyable.

They say that if you fake a smile while running, enduring pain, or lifting weights, etc. that the "smile" will trick your brain into thinking that you're doing something enjoyable. This sometimes works... either that or the absurdity of knowing I'm smiling or seeing my smiling face in a gym mirror makes me feel like Heath Ledger's joker. Creepy.

But funny. And so strength builds and i move on... and meditate. And my problems are solved at least temporarily until the endorphins wear off.

Together as one

I wrote a song WITH lyrics this time. The tune is easy, Am, E then progression at A to chorus.
F, D, G, repeat. Followed by E7, F then back to original progression with Am.

Lyrics go like this:

I hear the footsteps down the hallway

I turned to look but no one’s there

I hear the voices there behind me

But there was no one there.

And summer fog was thick as winter

No one around to see or hear

And in that summer the flowers wilted

I swallowed

my tears.

I swallowed all my tears

And in a crowd of a thousand people

Marching together for their cause

But in that crowd I’m a lost soul

I was never there.

And summer fog was thick as winter

No one around to see or hear

And in that summer the flowers wilted

I swallowed

my tears.

I swallowed all my tears.

I am my own best companion

She will always be with me

Hand in hand we went together

And we were free

So completely free.

And the summer fog was clearly lifted

The sun shone down from skies above

And not a single flower wilted

We were together

As one

Together we were one.

Night wash

She's found it to be
That it echoes in ceaseless harmony
The music we hear each night

A faint whispering
Or perhaps it was a thundering
That caused her to see the light

Under a blanket of stars
There was an ocean of passing cars
Barefooted path she took to you

A green grass highway
And fleeting lights that would not stay
Only the scenery stays true

She hitched a stranger's ride
While the full moon's ebbing tide
Took the ocean far from shore

And then took it all in
Beauty washed away her sins
There was nothing she wanted more.

defensive driving

Defensive driving
Is a big pain in the ass
A government scam.

Games

I don't want to play
Anymore games or riddles
I just want the truth.

I carry your heart with me

I carry your heart with me
(I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it
(Anywhere I go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
want no world
(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

~E.E. Cummings

genuine

And we slip through another pleasure
And it's love and love forever
As long as it is effortless to do.
I told you my heroic tale
To admire or flip through
I said that it was genuine
But I never said it was true.

But I Had to Cut the Rope

The night is strangely quiet
When I cannot hear your voice
But I had to cut the rope
I didn't have a choice.

Perhaps it is unfair of me
To listen to you cry
But I had to cut the rope
I didn't have to tell you why.

Its not because I'm callous
Or selfish or so cruel
But I had to cut the rope
Because you played me like a fool.

I know you didn't mean to
The truth is hard for you to see
But I had to cut the rope
Because we were not meant to be.

I am searching for the answers
In my own familiar game
But I had to cut the rope
You did not feel the same.

Maybe I should have guessed
I likely should have known
But I had to cut the rope
And leave you there alone.

Fig Tree

From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and off beat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out.

I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but chosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as i sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and one by one, they plopped at the ground at my feet.

good night

In a yellow dream
Right behind the big fig tree
Her red hair blazes.

A case of you

Just before our love got lost you said
I am as constant as a northern star
And I said, constantly in the darkness
Where's that at?
If you want me I'll be in the bar

On the back of a carton coaster
In the blue TV screen light
I drew a map of Canada
Oh Canada
With your face sketched on it twice

Oh you're in my blood like holy wine
You taste so bitter and so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you darling
And I would still be on my feet
Oh I would still be on my feet

Oh I am a lonely painter
I live in a box of paints
I'm frightened by the devil
And I'm drawn to those ones that ain't afraid
I remember that time that you told me, you said
Love is touching souls
Surely you touched mine
Cause part of you pours out of me
In these lines from time to time

Oh you're in my blood like holy wine
You taste so bitter and so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you darling
Still I'd be on my feet
I would still be on my feet

I met a woman
She had a mouth like yours
She knew your life
She knew your devils and your deeds
And she said
Go to him, stay with him if you can
But be prepared to bleed

Oh but you are in my blood you're my holy wine
You're so bitter, bitter and so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you darling
Still I'd be on my feet
I would still be on my feet

Night in the City Looks Pretty, Looks Pretty

Off to the land of no horizons
Where some go to follow their dreams
A place of new beginnings
Where all is seldom what it seems.

Off to the land of glittering lights
The city that never sleeps
Chinese takeout, pizza boxes
Line their kitchens in gorgeous heaps.

Off to the place to find myself
Where they only like to walk
A different change of pace from here
A different kind of talk.

What might one find in such a place
So far removed from here?
The mirror shows the same image
But might soon become crystal clear.